Husband Store – A Classic

December 29, 2015
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1- These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
 Floor 5- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
 Floor 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited .................

 

Newfoundland Genie

December 28, 2015

A Newfoundlander is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A large genie appears out of the bottle and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'I want to live forever.'

'Sorry,' said the genie, 'I'm not allowed to grant eternal life.'

'OK, then, I want to die after a Liberal government balances the budget and eliminates the debt.'

The genie stared at him a second or two then says ......

'You're a  crafty one aren't you

No Joke What Is the X in Xmas?

December 25, 2015

Before the Elves came to get me I stumbled on this piece of information which you may or may not find interesting.

XMAS Here’s a holiday surprise that only the dictionary can provide. Do you find the word “Xmas,” as an abbreviation for Christmas, offensive? Many people do.

You won’t find Xmas in church songbooks or even on many greeting cards. Xmas is popularly associated with a trend towards materialism, and sometimes the target of people who decry the emergence of general “holiday” observance instead of particular cultural and religious ritual.

But the history of the word “Xmas” is actually more respectable — and fascinating — than you might suspect. First of all, the abbreviation predates by centuries its use in gaudy advertisements. It was first used in the mid 1500s. X is the Greek letter “chi,” the initial letter in the word Χριστός. And here’s the kicker: Χριστός means “Christ.” X has been an acceptable representation of the word “Christ” for hundreds of years. This device is known as aChristogram. The mas in Xmas is the Old English word for “mass.”  (The thought-provoking etymology of “mass” can be found here.) In the same vein, the dignified terms Xpian and Xtian have been used in place of the word “Christian. The Elves are calling the webmonk 'gotta go'

Legal & Logical?

December 24, 2015

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: 'Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?'

Professor: 'Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?'

Student: 'OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an 'A'.

Professor: 'Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?'

Student: 'What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? '

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an 'A' as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: 'What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? '

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

'All right' says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer

'It's quite easy, sir' says the student 'You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an 'A', which is neither legal, nor logical.'

Government Training – Indian Bull Method

December 23, 2015

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter   'Want coffee.'

The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto!ll We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

'Training for position in Canadian Government.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.