Prove it

August 14, 2015

You may have heard of the best kept secret of the US army - the infamous area 51 in Nevada, where secret operations are conducted.

It was late afternoon when Air Force spotted a Cessna airplane landing right at area 51. Perplexed, they immediately seized the pilot and dragged him into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying 'you-did-not-see-a-base' briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane. The pilot and a sour, angry looking woman.

The same pilot jumped out and said, 'I know I shouldn't be here again, and you can do anything you want to me, but please, please, will you tell my wife that I actually DID spend last night in area 51!'

Joke of the Day – Thursday, August 13, 2015

August 13, 2015

Henry got on a bus, with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls.'

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

Joke of the Day – Friday, August 7, 2015

August 7, 2015

Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar.

One says, 'Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?'

'Aww, crap,' says his friend, 'and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!'

Joke of the Day – Thursday, August 6, 2015

August 6, 2015

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore every day, I go down on the street and tell the passers by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done or where we had dinner the night before, and what I will be doing today

I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me doing some gardening and spending time by my pool.

I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them, and it works :

I already have 3 people following me: 2 Police Officers and a Psychiatrist.

Joke of the Day – Wednesday, August 5, 2015

August 5, 2015

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.

When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?’ Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'

Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.