A Soldier’s Dear John

June 3, 2016

A soldier was stationed abroad and received a 'Dear John' letter from his girlfriend back home. It read: 'Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim.'
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc.
In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: 'Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave.'

A Lesson About Spreading Rumors or Gossip

June 2, 2016

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly & said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?' 'Wait a moment,' Socrates replied, 'Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.' 'Triple filter?' asked the acquaintance.
'That's right,' Socrates continued, 'Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?' 'No,' the man said, 'actually I just heard about it.' 'All right,' said Socrates, 'So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?' 'No, on the contrary...' 'So,' Socrates continued, 'You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?'
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, 'You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?' 'No, not really.'
'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?' The man was bewildered & ashamed.
This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher & held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

English Verses Western

June 1, 2016

My BLONDE wife and I went to a 'Dude Ranch' while in Texas.The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
'Well,' she replied, 'the one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic.'

Motherly Advice

May 31, 2016

One week before her wedding, a mother pulls aside her daughter (and bride-to-be). She says, 'I will now give you the advice that has been passed down from generation to generation, from woman to woman.'
The daughter listened attentively, curious as to what the advice would be.
The mom continued, 'Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.'

How To Prepare A Will

May 30, 2016

STEP 1: Come to grips with the fact that you, on an actual day in the ever approaching future, will cease having any experiences or sensations whatsoever and will simply not exist for the rest of eternity. Done? Great. Now, let’s divvy up your stuff.
STEP 2: Over a period of decades, do your best to accumulate enough garbage to make any of this worth it.
STEP 3: Make your wishes known while you’re still around. Sit your children down and tell them you want a good, clean fight.
STEP 4: Delineate and assign roles for executor, beneficiaries, and the person responsible for avenging your death.
STEP 5: Reserve a wild-card slot for anyone cool you might meet before you die.
STEP 6: Include specific instructions for handling your remains. Do you want them poured out during the final drop of Splash Mountain or along the entire ride?
STEP 7: Make time to meet with an attorney to lay out a detailed, comprehensive map to leave to the youngest and most unassuming of the family.
STEP 8: You don’t need the entire thing to be in legalese—include a personal note or two at the end about how bummed you are about being dead.
STEP 9: Have your will notarized to prevent Amy from wiggling her way back in.