Joke of the Day – Monday, September 21, 2015

September 21, 2015

Joke of the Day – Tuesday, September 15, 2015

September 15, 2015

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood......big, stately pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all...NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness’.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, 'I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.'

'I'm very sorry, officer,' replies the American, 'but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom.'

'Ah, yes,' said the bobby...'Just follow me'.

He leads him to a back 'delivery alley', then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.

'In there,' points the bobby. 'Whiz away sir, anywhere you want.'

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, 'That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?'

'No, sir' replies the bobby, 'that is what we call the French Embassy.'

Joke of the Day – Monday, September 14, 2015

September 14, 2015

Rabbi approaches a guest in temple and says, 'I'd like to name you in prayer for your generous donation. What is your name?'

The man answers, 'Esther ben Moshe.'

The Rabbi says, 'No, I need YOUR name.'

It's Esther ben Moshe,' the man says.

'How can that be your name?' asks the Rabbi.

The man answers, 'I've been having financial problems, so everything now is in my wife's name.'

Joke of the Day – Friday, September 11, 2015

September 11, 2015

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. 'Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!'

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

'You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!'
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

'WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!'

The wife runs to the fridge.

'CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!'

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps 'What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.'

The husband simply smiles, remarks 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car'.

Joke of the Day – Thursday, September 10, 2015

September 10, 2015