Old Saskatchewan Rancher
A banker saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year old rancher, in town.
Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.
Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.
Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.
Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'
NOW THE BANKER, BEING THE WISE MAN THAT HE WAS, COULD SEE THAT THE SEXUAL APPETITE OF A YOUNG WOMAN COULD NOT BE SATISFIED BY AN EIGHTY-YEAR- OLD MAN.
WANTING HIS OLD FRIEND'S REMAINING YEARS TO BE HAPPY THE BANKER TACTFULLY SUGGESTED THAT TOM SHOULD CONSIDER GETTING A HIRED HAND TO HELP HIM OUT on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.
'How's the new wife?’ asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'
Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'
Don't ever underestimate Saskatchewan old guys.
2 IT Guys – (2 Computer Geeks)
Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. 'Guess what, mate,' says the first IT guy, 'yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar.'
'What did you do?' says the other IT guy.
'Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.'
'You're kidding me!' says the second IT guy.
'I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.'
'Really? You got a new laptop?'
Just the facts and the new CEO
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
A steel company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, 'How much money do you make a week?' A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'
The CEO said, 'Wait right here.' He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, 'Here's four weeks' pay. ......... Now GET OUT and don't come back.'
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked,
'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'
From across the room a voice said, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'
The Buffalo Theory – Your Brain and Beer
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.