Legal & Logical?
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: 'Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?'
Professor: 'Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?'
Student: 'OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an 'A'.
Professor: 'Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?'
Student: 'What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? '
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an 'A' as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: 'What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? '
To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.
'All right' says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer
'It's quite easy, sir' says the student 'You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an 'A', which is neither legal, nor logical.'
Government Training – Indian Bull Method
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter 'Want coffee.'
The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto!ll We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
'Training for position in Canadian Government.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
I love you – seminar
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husband?' All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?' Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: 'I love you, sweetheart.' Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 actual hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love....who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3 Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Are you sure this is for me?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
........... Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?!
You can tell a lot about a woman by looking at her hands.
.........For instance it she is holding a gun she's probably mad about something.
80 Year Old Couple Texting
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
'If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.'
The husband texted back to her:
'I'm on the toilet. Please advise.'
Counseling- Southern Style
Earl and Bubba are doing their most relaxing pastimes.
They are chewing tobacco and drinking beer while quietly sitting in a boat fishing.
Suddenly Bubba says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce Linda Sue - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his beer and says,
'Better think it over.... women like that are hard to find.'