Text to the Neighbor
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
'Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again.'
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text: 'Really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'.'
Son wants to get Married
Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you're sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what ? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But...what have i done wrong ?
Father: Say sorry!
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad...i'm sorry!
Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!
Names for Various Animal Groups
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a
Herd of cows,
Flock of chickens,
School of fish
And a Gaggle of geese, and
A Pride of lions.
However, less widely known is:
A Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
An Exaltation of doves
Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates ...
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not
A CONGRESS !
YEP... A CONGRESS OF SILLY BABOONS!
Pretty much explains everything doesn't it?
... You just can’t make this up.
A Breakthrough study:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
I haven’t verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.