Son wants to get Married
Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you're sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what ? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But...what have i done wrong ?
Father: Say sorry!
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad...i'm sorry!
Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!
Names for Various Animal Groups
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a
Herd of cows,
Flock of chickens,
School of fish
And a Gaggle of geese, and
A Pride of lions.
However, less widely known is:
A Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
An Exaltation of doves
Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates ...
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not
A CONGRESS !
YEP... A CONGRESS OF SILLY BABOONS!
Pretty much explains everything doesn't it?
... You just can’t make this up.
A Breakthrough study:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
I haven’t verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
How the Greek bailout package works
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village . The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him 'services' on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Greek bailout package works.