The Complainer

May 23, 2017

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
'Oh, I really don't care or mind,' said the waiter with a smile. 'We don't have an air conditioner.'

Aging Artwork

May 22, 2017

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.
At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. 'Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.'
'Oh my, 'the grandmother says. 'He and I must have the same landlord.'

The Importance of Punctuation

May 19, 2017

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
'Just where do you think you going?' she asked.
'What do you mean?' I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: 'Thanks for putting up with me. So long.'

I’ll Call Back Later

May 18, 2017

A man was the first to arrive at work one morning. The phone rang and he answered. When the caller asked for some specific information, the man explained that it was before normal business hours but that he would help if he could.
'What's your job there?' the caller asked.
The man replied, 'I'm the company president.'
There was a pause. Then the caller said, 'I'll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something about what's going on.'

Bad Baby

May 17, 2017

Due to a power outage, the house was very dark. The paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
After little Connor was born, the paramedic lifted him by his feet and spanked him on the bottom. He began to cry.
The paramedic then asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, spank him again!'