I Will Miss Them

August 18, 2017

My son and his wife stopped by Sunday unannounced to visit.
I wouldn't answer the door but I did hold up my new medicine container and pointed to the instructions.
Instructions read: 'Take one tablet before bedtime and Keep away from children.'

Little Workers

August 16, 2017

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson.
'Worker ants,' she told them, 'can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?'
One child was ready with the answer, 'They don't have a union?'

2017 Math Class Response

August 15, 2017

The math teacher saw that Daphne wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on her and said, 'Daphne! What are 7 and 2, and 28 and 44?'
Daphne quickly replied, 'ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'

Communication Chain

August 14, 2017

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at 'Mom' and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
'Don't worry,' she said, 'I'll take care of it.'
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was 'Mom.'
'Martin,' she said, 'you left your cell phone at the convenience store.'

 

Behavior Modification Re-enforcers

August 10, 2017

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification re-enforcers”.
Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire,
“What on earth are behavior modification re-enforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.